If I Knew Then… Pt. 3 (Relationships)

I remember when I was young being asked, if you had a magic book that would either tell you who you would marry or when/how you would die, would you want to know? Would it be worth it if you missed that person or know you had to patiently wait? Which would you choose?

If you haven’t read the first couple parts of this series, check out parts parts 1 and 2 before you continue.

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When I was young, the book question was always the hardest to answer but also the best one to imagine. My guy friends would always talk about how they would find out how they die and avoid it to live forever. They said they would walk around the world knowing they were invincible, like a superhero. My female friends would always choose to know their husbands because it would cut down on the nonsense they were going through. I never really choose either.

Knowing how I die would either be extremely stressful or somehow like a cruel joke. I would only die if I got eaten by a shark, but I lived so recklessly that I’m paralyzed until then. That would be horrible. But, the question that I always cared about the logic, was the relationship question. Would knowing really help anything? What would you do until you met that person? Do you just come up and say, “Here I am!” I asked my family this a thousand times and I always got empty answers.

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What is said: You can’t love someone until you love yourself.

What should have been said: You are going to change how you feel and think all the time. What you think is love, may not be down the line.

I’ve met so many amazing, awesome, and fabulous women that I was so in love with until it fell apart. Sometimes it was my fault, sometimes it wasn’t, but I always struggled  with balancing where I was currently in my life, with loving another person. Combining two separate lives into one functional unit is hard. It would work super well until life pushed one of us in a completely new direction. I realized that I put way too much stock into the importance of that single relationship instead of enjoying the act of being with someone great. Looking back, I probably wouldn’t date most of the women I dated in the past but I am such a better man today because of them.

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What is said: Love is blind.

What should have been said: Love is a complicated list of picking what you can tolerate and what you will not stand. Standards and preferences are okay, requirements are not.

I learned very early on in adulthood that every time I said I wouldn’t date X or couldn’t date Y. I ended up dating them. From dating a woman from almost every major nationality, size, and shape to habits, skills, and passions, I threw my list away a long time ago. I said I don’t like tall women and dated someone four inches taller than me at the time. I said I didn’t want to date another race, and I fell so hard that I had to get a parachute. A lot of times we focus on the external so much that we forget that what keeps us attracted to each other is personality. Add in that our personalities change through age and experience, you never know who you will connect with and where. The heart truly does speak in mysterious ways.

CLICHE PHRASE BONUS LIGHTNING ROUND

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What is said: Opposites attract

What should have been said: We seek out people to fulfill our needs at the time. If you feel like there is something you miss, need, or want, you will find a person that fills that void. You are still more likely to marry similar though.

What is said: It’s not you, it’s me

What should have been said: I’m not comfortable with us anymore and that’s nobody’s fault.

Relationships are all about timing. It doesn’t matter how much you want someone, if they are not in the right place or vice versa, it can become toxic. Change is normal. Sometimes two people have different expectations and ideas for what they want. Sometimes it happens over time. Most of the time, there is nothing you can do about it and that’s okay.

What is said: One in a million “blah blah blah”

What should have been said: There is always someone out there that will be willing to do better for you.

There are over 7 Billion people on Earth. That means there are SEVEN THOUSAND people on earth that could work. Keep looking if it doesn’t feel right.

What is said: Mr./Mrs. Right

What should have been said: Mr./Mrs. Right-for-you-right-now.

We change, evolve, and mature. Find the person that makes you happy until they don’t anymore. When they don’t, move on. If you feel you will always feel that way about them, keep them.

I could keep this up all day but I won’t. Any other relationship saying you wish you would have had some clarification on? Any advice you’d like to share? Leave in the comments below.

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Author: MilesMichael

I'm a little dreamer with big dreams that wants to be far from ordinary and go anywhere that's not familiar. The Lord is my guide as I attempt to improve, not just my own, but everyone's quality of life.

3 thoughts on “If I Knew Then… Pt. 3 (Relationships)”

  1. I’d like your opinion on this one

    What is said: Find someone who makes you happy
    What should be said: find joy with someone invested in understanding you, and be invested in understanding them

    Happiness connotes a more temporary feeling than joy. I think happiness is fleeting and other personal barriers affect happiness much more than the person you are dating or who you have fallen for. Whereas joy can exist even when you’re faced with uncomfortable circumstances. I think the biggest thing you can learn from a partner is how to face life’s array of fast changing emotions and always bring compassion as you and your partner struggle through them all.

    1. I completely agree that the most important thing you can learn is how to adapt and care when you don’t want to. When I visited family in Atlanta, my Uncle used the phrase satisfied. Happiness is fickle. Joy comes directly from God. But being satisfied with life and who you are with means that you would still choose them no matter what’s going on. I think the investment is the most important part. Mutual investment in learning each other everyday, that makes all the difference in the world.

      1. Yes, I like that! Satisfied has all the connotations of knowing your tastes (how others complement you) and being content. Finding joy by necessarily finding God (and finding out more about God) with a partner is one of my long time #relationshipgoals. & Mutual investment does make the difference. Well said. Thanks for your post and reply!

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